The Final Countdown

Some jokes stick with you for a lifetime. Maybe they shouldn't, but they do.

This is especially true for one's first meta-joke or anti-joke. (I'll leave the classification to experts.)

For me, long before "How many surrealists does it take to change a lightulb?--let alone Interrupting Cow--there came a simple exchange I've never forgotten.

Guy One: How do you keep an [individual] in suspense?
Guy Two: I don't know. How?
Guy One: I'll tell you later.

Today I am Guy Two, the joke at least temporarily being on me. This writer in general and entry-level humorist in particular is kept in suspense until March 1, when my collection Notes of a Tourist on Planet Earth is released. There will be more waiting for reviews and sales figures, but all of that flows from publication.

And now I am down to "The Final Countdown." Yes, I went there, referencing the cheesetastic single by Swedish band Europe.

And what does an [individual] in suspense do?  Recent experience suggests the following:

1. Concentrate poorly.
2. Sleep poorly and/or with stress dreams.
3. Turn every conversation with others, or train of thought while alone, to the book.
4. Check social media obsessively to see if anyone has read, liked, or passed along a book-related update.
5. Search the Internet at least as obsessively for references to the book.
6. Repeat steps 1-5.

My dog is strangely unaffected by all of this.

I don't what's coming next, but I suspect the waiting is the hardest part. Tom Petty had this figured out a long time ago.

Three days until the publication of Notes of a Tourist on Planet Earth.

It's Oh So Quiet

It's oh so quiet. It's oh so still.

At least that's how it feels. On Friday, March 1 my humor collection Notes of a Tourist on Planet Earth hits the streets, or whatever hard, nonporous surface a book is supposed to hit. People younger and likelier to wear sunglasses might call this the drop date.

Still, no reviews have come out yet, and no interviews have so far been scheduled. The online sellers aren't showing any spike in sales yet.

Oh me of little faith. Who is still learning about the business end of publishing.

While I sit here wondering what's happening, others are making things happen. PR by the Book, the publicity firm contracted by publisher Cassowary Press, is working its own brand of magic, sending out  press releases that explain why media outlets should be interested in Notes of a Tourist on Planet Earth. One example of their work appears on page 24 of PR by the Book's February Experts Booklet.

Diamonds may or may not be a girl's best friend (a Y chromosome keeps me out of that discussion), but  a specialized public relations firm may very well be an introverted writer's best friend, especially if that writer also has a day job.

Soon the embargo will be lifted and copies will go out on shelves. There will be more waiting and learning. And then the London Book Fair.

The Next Big Thing

My generous friend and colleague Miles David Moore has tagged me to participate in the ongoing blog interview  for authors, "The Next Big Thing." The interview asks ten questions about the writer's current project; Miles posted his answers at the link on February 4. He asked to me post my answers one week later, which is today. I hope to be tagging at least one other writer this week for a February 18 post.


WHAT IS THE WORKING TITLE OF YOUR BOOK?

The working title and the final title of my humor collection, to be published on March 1, is Notes of a Tourist on Planet Earth. Since the book contains poetry, fiction, song parodies, essays and lists that deal with a wide range of subjects--from fashion to environmental issues and quite a bit in between--I had to find a title that encompassed as much as possible.


WHERE DID THE IDEA FOR YOUR BOOK COME FROM?

Ideas came from many places. The day's news provides plenty to work with, as does advertising. The vanities and follies of the world, including my own, have given me a lot to work with.


WHAT GENRE DOES YOUR BOOK FALL UNDER?

Notes of a Tourist on Planet Earth seems to fall under general or miscellaneous humor. That said, the tones of the individual pieces vary widely (and wildly). Some are innocently funny, while others are bawdy or biting. One piece even aspires to be a condensed update of Jonathan Swift's "A Modest Proposal".

WHICH ACTORS WOULD YOU CHOOSE TO PLAY YOUR CHARACTERS IN A MOVIE RENDITION?

Quite a few characters appear in the book's stories and other pieces, so it could take me a long time to answer. I can see much of the material brought together in some framing tale starring Bill Murray and, as is the case with pie, there is always room for Gilbert Gottfried. Rights are available, and I am on IMDB.


WHAT IS THE ONE-SENTENCE SYNOPSIS OF YOUR BOOK?

Man tries to make sense of world, gives up and describes absurdity.


WILL YOUR BOOK BE SELF-PUBLISHED OR REPRESENTED BY AN AGENCY?

The book will be published by Los Angeles start-up Cassowary Press. Notes of a Tourist on Planet Earth is the publisher's first title, and I am honored to be placed in that position. No agent represented the manuscript, but I did rely heavily on an attorney as the contract was drawn up. A specialized publicity firm is in the process of getting the word out to print and electronic media.

HOW LONG DID IT TAKE YOU TO WRITE THE FIRST DRAFT OF YOUR MANUSCRIPT?

Writing the individual pieces took place over about fifteen years. Imposing some kind of order on them took about four months.

WHAT OTHER BOOKS WOULD YOU COMPARE THIS BOOK TO WITHIN ITS GENRE?

The variety within Notes of a Tourist on Planet Earth, something like a magazine written entirely by one person, brings to mind One Fell Soup by Roy Blount, Jr.

WHO OR WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO WRITE THIS BOOK?

I had to write the pieces in the book to get them out of my head and make them someone else's, whether as a gift or a problem.


WHAT ELSE ABOUT YOUR BOOK MIGHT PIQUE A READER'S INTEREST?

This is the only place to find a funny rendition of a seafood menu in the year 2050. Also, mimes are punched out.

Labor Day at Venice Beach

Before this blog goes all out in promoting Notes of a Tourist on Planet Earth, I should take a moment to mention something that got lost in all the excitement of last autumn, something that for me caused part of that excitement.

In a good way.

The season marked the publication of my third collection of poetry, Labor Day at Venice Beach. A previous post mentions where some of the poems in the book originally appeared. This is probably a good time to note as well that the collection's title poem, also its last and longest, is based on actual events at Venice Beach on Labor Day of 1998. (For full details you may have to buy the book.)

I had the great good fortune of giving the debut reading at my first choice of venues, the Beyond Baroque Literary/Arts Center in Venice, California. Along with my wonderful wife Paula Van Lare, the audience included several poets who could  easily have replaced me at the podium: Kevin Durkin, Leslie Monsour, Frank Osen and Timothy Steele, all of whom have shown me kindnesses too numerous to mention in this space. The audience also included debut author (and friend since the late 1970s) John Sandrolini, whose novel One for Our Baby will be published in April by the legendary Otto Penzler's Mysterious Press. The reading was videotaped for the Beyond Baroque archives.

As Don Marquis once noted, publishing a book of poetry is like throwing a rose petal into the Grand Canyon and waiting for the echo. Which, of course, I am doing. No reviews have come out so far, and there is no guarantee that any review will be what I want to hear. Then again, as Hyman Roth told Michael Corleone, "This is the business we have chosen."

Labor Day at Venice Beach is available from the bookstore at Beyond Baroque and from major online sellers, as well as some minor ones. It might find its place on a bookshelf near you.